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with some gray to go

Here it is

Names make everything too personal it seems



January 2nd, 2006

So... It's a new year.

Which means new drama.

And some changes to come.

And new rules to live by.

So, it's friends only from this point on.

I'm sure you'll understand.

December 24th, 2005

i know, i know - i've been naughty with updating. i'm sorry, deal with it. after the chaos that is christmas dies down, there'll be more personal stuff. until now, just deal. and i'm being naughtier still by just posting a myspace blog onto my LJ. oh, spread the rebellion.

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winter break has not been too shabby so far.

midterms went alright. lots of goofing off in nontesting classes:

didn't go to school that friday. the first weekend was spent in georgia. lots of fun and it was great to see all the cousins and other assorted family.

lots more pictures taken there

wednesday night, went out with marisol.

there was dining

and trying on trendy fashionista-style new years outfits

and vogueing.

we also saw a movie.

Then we saw how beeee-yoooo-tii-fulll Christin looked w/o her braces.

Last night, we exchanged our not-so-secret santa gifts at Scott's. Twas much fun. {link's there for the better pics that were taken.}

Tonight, went out w/ Cathy B and DG. That leaves us with tomorrow, which is Christmas Eve. Going to the aunt's, should be fun.

And that's what I've been up to so far =)

so, that leaves me to say MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone!!

<-end myspace copying->

happy holidays and all that good stuff, N

December 13th, 2005

Don't leave her this way


hate midterms. totally. completely. without a doubt.

luckily, i've had my easier ones. now, i've got the two i worry about the most - chem and english. got english tomorrow morning, yet i just started covering the study guide. eeek. still need to shower, still need to memorize various parts of speech, still need to actually learn the science study guide. gahh.

on the bright side, in 3 days i will be in lovely and little thomaston, georgia, where i will be catching up with family and we will all probably be teasing and hitting each other in the way that the various generations of dean cousins seem to show affection. also, my straightener died at some point last week. and i got really nifty one to replace it today =)

so, palmetto's been dominating suniland's starbucks this week. jessica and i had gone to offerdahls yesterday afternoon and as we were walking back, we poked our head into starbucks. i swear we knew over half the people in there. lol.

last day of testing is tomorrow. and winter break starts friday at 2:30 pm. thank god. i don't know how much more stress i can take for awhile.

December 10th, 2005

Sick and tired of waiting


ah. so i felt loved finally last night; forget what i wrote before. well, for the most part.

ended up doing dinner and a movie with avi and dg. ate at mahrabas (sp??) for the first time. was not disappointed from what i heard. then saw just friends. it was hilarious. and ryan reynolds is hott, with a whole two T's. it didn't try for anything other than a stupid movie with a totally predicatable and happy ending, which made it totally enjoyable.

today was spent running errands and doing shopping for christmas presents. about to go get our christmas tree. most likely it'll be my mom's pick of the saddest, most pathetic, charlie brown-ish one of the lot. heading out tonight with some of the group, looks like it's gameworks. we've finally got a chance to pick for our secret santas, so i hope that will go smoothly. then i've gotta come home and study so i won't totally be lying to my dad about why i'm not over there tonight. however, he can't complain since i'm going there tomorrow afternoon and for dinner. oh well. we'll see how that ends up going.

another weekend half way over, N

December 9th, 2005

ughhhhhh. for lots of bitching.

school sucksucksucksucks.

i am so tired. i want to do something. but my friends neither get hints nor bother to make plans nor even really invited me if they do have plans.

just call me unloved.

this weekend is gonna be jam-pack full of studying. well, it should be. i doubt i'll do half the cramming i need to.

and ughhhh.

what is up with everyone and relationships these days?

it's so fucked up. and why the hell can i not seem to find someone to bother to have a fucked up relationship with?? cause that would be just lovely.

lots of lovely loneliness, N

December 4th, 2005

You infect me


it's already sunday. oh snap.

friday was spent lounging around. yesterday, i finally ventured back into the gym. suffering from sweet pain now. it feels good though. went to christin's game with avi and marisol. she started, when she swore she wouldn't even play. so, i was glad we went. had fun hanging out. stayed up too late last night. been avoiding homework all day. now it is unavoidable.

i have pent up creativity, but no time to let it out. ugh. so many ideas, so little time.

so, i realized midterms start ..umm.. tomorrow.

oh shit.

back to the drawing board, N


December 2nd, 2005

Was it ever worth it?


this week didn't seem to be as hard as i expected. now, all of a sudden, i am beat. it just hit me.

everyone's away. boo to them.

i feel like ranting. i don't want to rant here though. things get taken the wrong way and assumptions are made and i realize i posted my feelings for the world to see and this equates something that is not good and can have bad results.

today was simple. had a 4th grade moment at lunch, provided from some random boys. this gave me a chuckle. stuck hanging out at home tonight. looks like tomorrow is pretty relaxed. most likely going to christins' game. the weekend's gonna fly by. it's gonna fly by too fast. i have 7897832 projects to do. i want to stop time.

everyone was freaking out today because they were all waiting to find out if they got into UF through early decision. it dawned on me that, in two years, this will probably be me. i really don't know if i would want to apply early decision. it doesn't give you choices to pick from once you're accepted to a few colleges. it's a definite, confident action. yet i probably will end up doing it, because that's when most schools pick the majority of new students. ugh. i hate thinking about this. it manages to be both scary and stressful.

i'm a horrible person. these thoughts aren't necessary, yet i think them anyways. bad bad me. i've got a possessiveness i should not possess when i think i feel the way i do. the key phrase is i think. i want to be confident and sure. in addition, i feel i am betraying those like me with other feelings. yet this is high school. and this is what it's supposed to be all about.

avoiding the immediate future at all costs, N

November 30th, 2005

Another time, another place


i have a positive - i am going to georgia!! yes!! - but today brings up a lot of negatives.

the end of november will never have good memories. it seems death becomes this time.

both an extended family member and an adult i knew had their fathers pass away.

worse, and more personal, my uncle died a year ago. i can't believe it's already been 12 months. not a day goes by that i don't think of him.

that's it, N

November 29th, 2005

okdoke, i am back. i'm not leaving this time. promise.

it's been an eventful weekend:

wednesday, i went to santa's enchanted forest with the family. there were like 10 of us. hadn't gone there for the past couple of years. i had a really, really good time. it was a nice bonding time all in all.

thursday was that grand ol' turkey day. t-day was spent at the mom's this year. the turkey turned out pretty good, and i deserve some props for that because i did most of the touching/turning/handling of it. also, i made some perfectly smashed mashed potatoes and had a successful first time making peach cobbler.  the grandparents came and it was a nice, relaxing dinner. later on, we spontaneously decided to go see harry potter. it was as good as the movie could get without being 10 hours long to cover the details.

friday. that much-talked about black friday. and yes, i did give in to some of the crowds. however, it was at a decent time. got the most expensive pair of shoes i now own. also, got some 5 buck flipflops =) that always makes me happy. the mom and i then saw Rent. it was everything i anticipated. needless to say, i was pretty happy with it. yea, they added some things here and there and changed a few things around, but they stayed true to the show. and that's what matters. i was thankful for the fact that they made angel die later on. with the play, i bawled the entire 2nd act, from when the curtain when up to when it went down, because of that. i only cried the last half hour and then some after thanks to that little scene mixup. later on, had chris' surprise party. missed him walking in, but oh well. he was more or less not expecting it, which is what matters. that was a lot of fun.

saturday and sunday were blah days. went to the dads early on saturday. didn't do too much of anything there that's notable. i'm probably not going to georgia for christmas =( that makes me really sad.

schools back in full swing. the teachers seem to be wanting winter break already, so it hasn't gotten too stressful yet. but god, am i tired when i get home. well, i think that's it. more or less.

don't get too fed up with those leftovers, N

November 20th, 2005

I'm here, hold on to me


greatgreatgreat saturday.

started off doing some chores around the house and then some driving to get errands done. i'll probably start volunteering at petsmart on saturday mornings. picked up jessica and we went to dadeland. had the most successful speed shopping trip ever. went to victoria's secret, abercrombie, pac sun, wet seal, macy's, and rampage - all in less than two and a half hours.

we first ate at subway. then, we went to victoria's secret to get my belated bday gift. headed to A&F after that for jessica's top, but no luck. somehow, at pac sun, i managed to find 2 pairs of jeans that fit that i had initally grabbed and then decided that i would buy them in under 10 minutes after trying them on. simply amazing. amazinger if you count the fact that i had been eyeing one pair that was a bit pricey since before school started, i went in there expecting to pay full price, and they were half off. =) much happiness there. bought a belt, a chrismas present, and a bday present. picked up some more bday gifts at wet seal, searched macy's for a top without any luck, and finally found one at rampage. then we headed home after our successful day of shopping.

later that night, was ali's.let me just say, thank you soooooo much ali!!! i had a wondeful time!

we all loaded into the hummer limo and headed to opa. lots of singing and dancing. opa was a lot of fun, as there was plenty of dancing on the tables and unexpected gay men humping each others' faces. headed to the beach after that for a little while, where we ran around. then we loaded back into the limo, where there was even more singing and dancing, lapdances, and some secrets that came out. everyone hang out at ali's for quite awhile. it was great. events included a mishap with silly string (let's just say we can all clean, it has now been proven) and a surprise visit by zach, who i was sooo happy to see and hadn't seen since before he moved. so, lots of chatting and fun there. a few of us slept over and had this huge breakfast today.

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got dropped off and have been hanging out since. pretty relaxing day for the most part. not too much homeweok to worry about. unfortunately, had a lot of thoughts plaguing me, but i'll get over it. now i've got only a 3-day week to look forward to. plus, turkey day and what should be a fun weekend.

happy sunday evening, N

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